7 Nervous System Tools for Stressed-Out Families

Written By Karen DeHaven

Peace Starts Here

The holidays are supposed to feel magical, with cozy moments, laughter, big meals, happy memories.

But sometimes... the magic pops. Plans shift. Kids melt down. Tempers flare. Joy gives way to overwhelm and exhaustion.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

This PeaceAble Family Playbook is your gentle guide to bringing calm back to the season — with 7 simple tools to keep Peace at the heart of your holidays.

STEP 1: Pause

Pause to give yourself a chance to lead with a quieted mind and heart.

By that, I mean REALLY sloooow down and then PAUSE.

Move into a moment of actual stillness. It may feel counter intuitive to slow down & take a moment because your nervous system is ready to help you REACT to the threat of a stressful event.

However, what is most needed in these moments is access to be able to RESPOND.

Ahh! Leading with Heart & Love

STEP 2: Check In with YourSELF

Name It to Tame It

Use the EMOTIONS WHEEL in our downloadable playbook to identify and name how you’re feeling. Knowing what you are feeling helps you to recognize what’s going on inside.

  • Start in the center.

  • What feeling state(s) feel true to you?

  • Read over all emotions in that color.

  • What emotions feel most true to you?

  • Name all of the layers of emotions out loud.

  • Then rate (1-10) how intense each is.

Think it. Speak it out loud. Let your feeling state exist without resistance. Because what we resist, persists.

STEP 3: Take a Breath

The best go-to stress buster is to take a long inhale, then a longer exhale.

It’s simple:

  • Inhale for 4 seconds

Breathe in through your nose from your belly like you’re smelling a flower

  • Exhale for 6 seconds

Breathe out through your mouth from your belly like you’re blowing out birthday candles.

STEP 4: Respond (don’t React)

Now you are emotionally present and ready to respond to whatever is happening around you.

When we RESPOND, we activate and model COMPASSION IN ACTION.

STEP 5: Pause & Co-Regulate

Now that YOUR nervous system is relaxed, it is time for you to help YOUR CHILD’S nervous system relax.

Try this phrase:

“Hey, let’s take a pause & a few long breaths together before we make a plan.”

When you pause, slow down & check in with your child (or anyone really!), you offer your care & support as a FELT experience.

STEP 6: Check In with Your CHILD

The key to helping your child feel comfortable talking about their feelings is bringing feelings into big and little moments throughout the day.

Begin by tuning in to their body language and tone. Then MIRROR - VALIDATE - EMPATHIZE to help your child feel heard and understood.

STEP 7: Make a Plan

The #1 strategy for managing conflict and uncertainty is to MAKE A PLAN. Plans help anxious moments turn into FOCUSED MOMENTS.

They also:

  • Strengthen trust and connection with your child

  • Decrease anxiety and distress

  • Increase predictability

  • Build confidence

  • Minimize stress

If you’d like deeper guidance, scripts, action tools, and kid-friendly supports, download the full PeaceAble Family Playbook below. Inside, you’ll find step-by-step strategies, an Emotions Wheel, co-regulation prompts, and everything you need to bring more calm, clarity, and connection to your family this holiday season.

 
Download the PeaceAble Family Playbook
Karen DeHaven